Apparently nothing.
Fours years of college, three semesters in one of the best portfolio programs in the nation, several internships in the industry, and I am completely and totally unmarketable. I don't seem to fit into ANY job requirements, mainly because I don't have any agency experience - though I don't see how the hell I am supposed to get any.
Today is my first self pity day. I am frustrated, pissed off, disappointed, and pretty much convinced I am a failure. I really don't want to come back to Texas in December and have to answer everyone's "Oh my god, so how is London? What are you doing over there?" questions with a very simple, "nothing. All I've managed to do is waste a bunch of money".
That is where the failure part comes in. I just want a fucking job. It doesn't have to be glamorous, it doesn't have to pay well, it can have shit hours, it can be stressful and in the company of people I hate. All I ask is that the job be at least SOMEWHAT relevant to what I want to do with my life. I don't want to be in Ad sales, I don't want to be a receptionist at an ears/nose/throat hospital, and I don't think this is asking to much.
It's really hard to stay motivated in the whole job search thing when all you get in response is rejection after rejection. I mean, I am used to critique - I really rather like it - but this is starting to grate me in a way that can't be good for my self esteem. How the hell are you supposed to get a job?
*rant over*
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3 comments:
Rant's are normal and healthy. Everyone has their outlet. Yours just happened to be this blog.
Ok, so you know what you want. THAT'S SOMETHING! When I came back from Emerson, I felt like a failure too. I felt like I let everyone down coming back. But at the end of the day, it's what fit me best. What also is important is, while at Emerson, it wasn't a waste. I found a part of myself. I found out about myself. This is exactly what you've done in London. Yeah, you've spent some money. Yeah, maybe you should have stayed in the States and found an ok job knowing that a great job would come eventually. But, you would have regretted forever not trying this out. So, focus on the fact that you found out a lot about yourself and that will be part of your answer when people ask you about it. Example convo with someone I really worried about judging me...stupid I know:
Mrs. Provenzale: Why didn't you get a job in London.
You (Hottie Mchotthott): I really loved visiting there and was so glad I had the opportunity to go over there and really take a great senior trip.
Mrs. Provenzale: I thought you were going to get a job there.
You: I just wanted to try something different to figure out what I needed to do with my life. Thank you so much for being interested.
You see, if you present it positively, then you'll start to believe that's why you went. Believe in yourself. No one's first job is awesome. And if it looks like it is, something's wrong that you're not noticing. Keep positive, love.
I hold no illusions that finding a job would be ANY easier in Texas. Finding a job just sucks - it's time consuming, takes far too long, and everyone just keeps telling me it can be months upon months (not encouraging).
And I am here for at least a year - if I don't have a job by Christmas (which I will be doing something by then, even if it's just retail) I am going to have to start a new in January when I get back. I don't think (or at least hope) it doesn't come to that.
i'd give you some long-winded response about blah-blah-blah, but i don't see much of a point . . . just know that i know how you feel, i'm living it with you, and it sucks, but eventually everything will work out if you keep trying . . . god has a plan for everyone
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