"Unfortunately, you have not been successful at this time"

I would die happy if I never heard this phrase again.

WARNING: Mopey and depressing rant ahead.

I just don't know what I have to do. Honestly. I had three decent enough internships, I have a 3.6 GPA in the number three portfolio program in the country, my portfolio isn't complete crap (at least, I am pretty sure I can say it shows that I can do what needs to get done), I've been involved in creative extracurriculars, and I currently hold a respectable position in business development overseeing the creation of internal and external communications. I'm not saying I'm the best candidate, but I'd like to think I'm better than the average candidate. I'd like to think I am at least somewhat marketable. I'd like to think I'm worth at least an interview before I am rejected.

As you can probably guess, I didn't get the TBWA graduate program I really wanted. It's a fucking training program, and I'm not good enough. I mean, how bad do I have to be for them to reject me flat out. It's not like they can say I don't have enough experience; you don't need experience for a graduate training scheme! It's not like they can say I don't have enough expertise; the point is for them to teach you! So, they must of looked at my CV and just thought, "she's such complete shit, we might as well train a monkey". For Christ's sake! I never really expected to get invited for an interview, but I did have one ever-so-tiny amount of hope that, perhaps, just maybe, I might be good enough to do what I want to do with my life.

No, I'm not the next great designer. No, I don't strike awe into everyone who sees my work. But, you know, I would put my fucking heart and soul into a job like this and I would do a damn good job. They also had this to say: Please don't take it too hard - some of the best names in the industry didn't make it first time either. What is it's not your first time? What if you've been trying and trying and applying and applying and no one gives you the time of day? How do you convince someone - anyone - to give you a chance?

I am still waiting to hear back from one last place. But I have no hope left. It hurts too much to get my hopes up - but, I guess you never know. This may mean I'll be back in Texas sooner than I originally thought. I can't really justify staying in London and spending the kind of money I am to live here in order to pursue a career I have no desire to pursue. I mean, if I'm going to be doing generic office work for the rest of my life I might as well do it somewhere more affordable. I think I could be happy just wandering around the globe. Does anyone want to donate to the "Shelley has no future and needs to postpone it for as long as possible" fund?

Everything is just such a God damned joke. *Deep Breath* I'm not posting this for pity. Writing it down and putting it out there is a nice way of venting and it will keep me from obsessing over this. I'll be over it tomorrow, but for today I get to be disappointed.